You realize that you’re not in control of your life at all. You realize there is something overlooking your entire life, and whatever that is, calls the shots, and you don’t.
You realize what an egotistical life you’ve lived so far- thinking you had control, thinking you knew it all, thinking you had it all figured out. Only to realize you can never know, there is no way to know, you are just an inferior being, inside this realm of higher beings.
You realize that everything you see, you really don’t know what it is at all, but you want to stay. Knowing no longer matters, all that matters is staying inside your human body, because its some sort of gift you’ve been given and that’s all you can be sure of.
You’ve realized you asked too many questions, and you wonder if you’ve went too far, and discovered something you shouldn’t have. You wonder if you will ever be able to go back to the way it was before (News flash- you don’t ever go back to the way it was before.)
You realize there are spirits out there, the spiritual world exists, and its none of your damn business what’s happening there, because you have the time after you die to spend there. There’s no need to see the spiritual world in your human life, because you came from the spiritual world. You’ll have all the time there in the world after you die, because its a timeless place. While in life, time exists, and it is short- so very short.
You feel connected to your body, but you also feel connected to the universe. You wonder if your soul will just fly out of your body, and you will lose your life again. You feel more like a galaxy, instead of a human being, but you also feel more human, more human than you have ever felt, all in one.
You fill your brain with as much Western crap as you possibly can, trying to return to an egotistical state. You crave for the way it was before- before you drank Ayahuasca. You crave being naive again. You want to just completely forget what just happened, but there’s no way to ever forget. What happened is now a part of you- its something you will have to carry into the rest of your life- and its exactly what you asked for.
The phrase “Be careful what you wish for” goes through your head, and you regret ever drinking the medicine and asking it to expand your consciousness. Because an expanded consciousness is a lot for an egotistical mind to process. It’s so hard, it’s so hard, you wish you didn’t have to process what happened, but now you do. The medicine is now a part of you, it’s now your life, a life that was supposed to be naive.
You break down in tears, you can’t stop crying, mourning your old self. Your old self didn’t understand what it actually was, and you mourn that. You realize you came here so you wouldn’t have to know, and now there’s no going back. You know now. You feel agony, the worst agony you’ve ever felt. And also…so grateful.
And now…you’re happier than you ever have been. Life is so beautiful, and that beauty is unfolding itself in every moment. You’re so appreciative, so grateful.
All you can do is fall to the ground and pray, and keep on praying, because you’re so happy, so joyful.
Because maybe you didn’t come here initially to learn about your true self- maybe the egotistical mind is a blissful one- but now you have. You’ve learned an ancient secret, and now you live more mindfully because of it. Now you can smile every single day. Now you can look at the sun and see it as an angel shining upon you. Now you can dance and feel your feet touch the floor. Now you can enjoy music, feeling every note hit your ear, as if you are hearing it in technicolor. Now you can do whatever you want.
You’re free. Free from the constraints of the egotistical mind. Free from suffering. Free from everything that held you back before. You can enjoy every second of your life. You can wake up and truly feel like every day is a new one, a new gift, a time to start again. Now the smile on your face is a genuine one. Now you’re connected with the stars, with the trees. Now you understand its all you, and you’re the universe, and there’s nothing to be afraid of. You can be here, right now. You can just simply exist.
There are no longer any hurdles, only learning lessons. There are no longer any obstacles, only guides. You’re one with all that is.
And you can thank God for your beautiful life. You now pray, you pray all the time, and you’re so thankful to have been connected to your inner soul.
With much gratitude,